Because He Loves Us

A few weeks ago I stepped out of my house to an early Fall chill and it made my heart smile. After a week like I’d had, making my heart smile was quite a coup.  That it was only a chill in the air, made me pause and wonder why.

I love Fall. The promise of the holiday season this year is so sweet since last year our family didn’t celebrate much of one. That could be the reason I smiled, but it wasn’t really.

There is a picture in my head of Fall and Winter that I have never had in reality but have always dreamed of…me and him snuggled up in front of a camp fire, roasting marshmallows, with friends all around. There is just something about Fall that makes me think of love and maybe, just maybe this will be the Fall he comes to me and says he can’t live another day without me. That could be the reason I smiled, but it wasn’t really.

I love Fall. The leaves and the colors. The death.

Call me morbid, but Spring could not exist with all its brilliance of colors and new life without the death of the Fall.

And then I remembered how Fall reminds me of love and my heart smiled.

I guess you have to be in my head for this to instantly make sense. Fortunately you aren’t, because man, wouldn’t that be embarrassing!

Let me expound…

He knows that Spring isn’t possible without Fall. So He prunes. The dead falls away to make room for new life. We have to endure Winter for the glory of Spring. He loves us and he knows what is to come in the Spring so He knows that the death of Fall and Winter is worth it in the end.

Sometimes life is like that too.

We have to endure the trials of life and the death it brings in order to see the Glory of His face.

There has been a lot about this past month I don’t understand.

Why would God allow a 25 year-old man, who loved Jesus with his whole heart, to be killed in such a violent way?

Why would God allow a young couple, who loves Jesus with their whole hearts, lose their sweet baby boy on the same day he was born?

Because He loves us.

My flesh rejects that as an answer because in my flesh the question, “Why would a loving God allow such things?” screams at me.

However, over the last 11 months my spirit has learned to cling to that answer with all of its might. Reason may scream otherwise but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound  the wise and God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty (I Corinthians 1:27).

It seems foolish to the world that the murder of a young man would bring about so much life change in those affected by the loss of him and yet, it has.

It seems foolish to the world that a sweet baby boy who never breathed outside of his mother’s womb would affect people so deeply and yet, he has.

It will be a very long time before I worship the Lord without thinking of Heath Jackson. Monday night, September 6, 2010 I was standing alongside of him as we rehearsed for the very first Eminent Worship. Tuesday night, September 7, 2010 I stood beside someone different as I led because Heath was looking at Jesus’ face.

The veil to eternity is so very thin.

It will be a very long time before I see a baby or a pregnant woman without thinking about Briar Allen and his sweet moma and daddy. All three are my heroes in so many ways. Brooke and Brandon would balk at that word but they are nonetheless.  And little Briar kicking his moma ’til the very end, well he is one of my heroes too.

The veil to eternity is so very thin.

Recently I was thinking about where I was with the Lord three long years ago in the Summer of 2007. There was an instant ache of longing wishing I could go back to that girl and then I thought about all I know of the Lord now that I didn’t know then. What I saw was a girl who loved the Lord in her naiveté.

What I have learned in the last 11 months is that when you get to know the Lord in the fellowship of His sufferings all that naiveté falls away. Now when I say I love the Lord, my eyes smart because I love Him despite the wounding He has allowed to touch my life and the lives of the people I love. I love Him more because I know Him more and I’ve gotten to know Him in the fellowship of His sufferings.

And then I remember why I love Fall…

Philippians 3:7-11 says, “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

Tomorrow I unveil a new bag for InPieces. I wanted to attach a picture tonight but I broke my first needle and then ran out of thread. Anyway, come back tomorrow to see it.

This bag is special. Has been since I started cutting out the pattern. It is my first diaper bag and all I could think about was Brooke and Briar and how she should have been able to buy and carry a diaper bag for him. I cried as I cut those pieces out and then I named it.

Briar’s Bag will be available for purchase starting tomorrow. It’s $75 without a portable changing pad and $95 with. I know it’s a little pricey but you should see this thing! I’m pretty proud!

Another thing I’m proud of is that 15% of the proceeds of this bag are going to Briar’s parents. They are raising money to adopt Briar’s brother from Ethiopia and all I’ve been thinking about lately is how can I help bring him home faster. Well, this is how.

Death brings new life over and over and I continue to be amazed by it.

The foolish confounding the wise. The weak confounding the mighty.

Because He loves us.

***To learn more about Briar’s story go to his Moma’s blog. She’ll blow you away with her faith.***

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